Sunday, March 13, 2011

the battle is raging and i dont want to be sleeping during it....

i've been giving a lot of thought to the upbringing of my daughter...
how every decision i make ultimately effects her, her views on life and how she'll handle situations that will come her way.
i say decision because a decision is the first step in actions; i make the decision to lash out in anger or to control my tongue, i make the decision to lie or to be truthful, i make the decision to be offended by things or to let them roll off of me, i make the decision to serve the Lord or not, i make the decision to go out and party or stay home with my family, i make the decision to let the injustices done to me affect me or not, i make the decision to have integrity or a lack of.
i'll be the first to admit i've made many "decisions" in my personal life in cadence's four and a half years that have had negative affects on me that i'm sure have trickled down to her. but in the last two months or so my whole out look on life has been changing. i know three things have been contributing to these changes, one...i'm actually choosing to open the door to my heart to Jesus, two...i'm for the first time in my life truly happy, and three... i asked Jesus to bring me into the fire and burn off things that were not of Him in my life.
i've spent many years trying to fill my unhappiness "hole" (which honestly came from a lack of personal relationship with Jesus) with objects that did not fit in the emptiness, in reality they made the emptiness grow, even if they seemed to make me happy in the moment. 
i don't want cadence growing up seeing me make bad decisions, doing things that make her question her place, or my dedication to her, our family, and most importantly the Lord. not only that i don't want her reaping the affects of my decisions! 
there has been so much peace with these changes, even with a world-wind of uncertainties swirling around our life right now.
i know one thing to always be true, Jesus will always provide and time and time again He has proven that, so now just like with my life and my decisions i'm trusting Him with cadence's life and asking Him to guide me in all i do. to lead me in a mind set that will bind my family closer together and benefit His glory. i'm asking Him to teach me how to raise her and guide her. 

so thankful my heart has been changed while she is still so young

my sweet daughter, mama loves you more then the air i breath <3

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